I remember the day that I announced my first pregnancy on Facebook. I was so proud to finally have my own baby! My notifications were flooded with support. Soon after, I received a message from my high school film teacher. We began to have a conversation about birth, and in this moment my life changed.
That night I began to do light research and found my way to a documentary called The Business of being born (Click here to check out the documentary). The documentary was pretty eye-opening. My husband and I decided that it was time to investigate birth and figure out how to prepare for labor. We started to ask the most important question:
Where is the best place for me to birth my baby?
I knew that if I chose to be a home-birth mother, I would be judged. Not only that, if something went wrong I would be dealing with trauma and possibly issues during postpartum. I decided to play it as safe as I could, especially since home births were pretty much illegal in the state of Maryland at the time. Not only would I follow my midwife, but I would also build a relationship with a doctor, who would deliver my baby if necessary.
I wanted control as a black pregnant person
Through our research, I realized that I didn’t want the hospital experience. I remembered how uncomfortable my hospital stay was during the handful of experiences I already had. The feeling of being a patient was not what I wanted for this birth. I envisioned myself lying on my back and surrounded by people who didn’t know or understand me. As a black woman, I understood my risk. I understood that I could be a possible target just by walking in and being vulnerable. I understood that our country and medicine were founded on the enslavement of my ancestors. I knew that if I was in the depth of birth, I could possibly be hearing side conversations from other people in the room, because they may not empathize with me. I might not be the person of interest, and since I understood how powerful labor felt, I did not want that for myself.
During the active labor phase, I would be submitting to whomever was working that shift. I would have no control over the energy of the room or the people around me. I felt as if my emotional awareness of other people’s issues and problems would have a negative impact on my experience. My emotional stability was at risk, and the hospital experience clashed with my need to feel safe, nurtured, and respected.
I decided to hire both. A Home-birth Midwife and OBGYN.
Both my prenatal visits with my OBGYN/doctor and home-birth midwife were vastly different. My relationship with my doctor was as cold as the bed I envisioned myself lying in at the hospital. During my short and pointless visits with my OBGYN/doctor, she started to show herself. Even though she said she was all for me having a natural birth, her body language spoke for itself. Even if I wanted a hospital birth, I knew that she did not have the ideology I needed to have around me during my birth experience. Plus, she may not be the doctor on call at the time of my birth. Meaning that if she wasn’t working, I would have someone who was as cold and as inhuman as she was.
My midwife was so PERSONAL. She made me feel good about the experiences ahead.
My experience with my midwife was so relaxed! I felt so comfortable and confident. She asked me questions and got to know my family. She made me feel like a person, not a patient. She also screened me throughout my pregnancy, to make sure I was still low-risk. The biggest thing was that she was confident in my ability to birth, and that helped build my confidence. I could tell that she was passionate about what she did. I knew that she was the midwife who would deliver my baby. During labor, I would have the ability to look in her eyes and hear her voice. I would be able to keep that trust, even if I had an emergency and needed to go to the hospital. I trusted that she would do everything in her power to make sure my baby and I were safe.
My experience with my midwife was so relaxed! I felt so comfortable and confident. She asked me questions and got to know my family. She made me feel like a person, not a patient. She also screened me throughout my pregnancy, to make sure I was still low-risk. The biggest thing was that she was confident in my ability to birth, and that helped build my confidence. I could tell that she was passionate about what she did. I knew that she was the midwife who would deliver my baby. During labor, I would have the ability to look in her eyes and hear her voice. I would be able to keep that trust, even if I had an emergency and needed to go to the hospital. I trusted that she would do everything in her power to make sure my baby and I were safe.
As a new mother, I set my anxiety aside and decided that if I continued as low-risk, I would have a low-risk home birth. I felt grounded in my choice of a home birth. The doctor who was following me throughout my pregnancy later told me that I wasn’t allowed to come back to her office because of my choice to have a home birth.
My birth was amazing and changed my life forever. I pride myself of being a home birth advocate for low-risk women.
Did you have a empowering birth experience at home?
Lauren is a birth worker, artist and mother in Baltimore. Her goal as a birth worker is to create things that inspire fellow nerds to celebrate what they love. Join our emailing list for promos, discounts and product updates.